Used to be
by black-rose-among-the-white
Summary: Mackenzie has loved joe jonas, her best friend, for years. But when he drifts away, how will she handle it? Read and find out. New chapter 2 up!
1. Chapter 1

I don't own the jonas brothers or the song. Italics are the lyrics, bold are the memories. Sorry if it's confusing.

Ever since the second grade, my best friend had been Joe Jonas. I was there when they played at birthday parties and gigs of 50 people or less. We talked about everything, and somewhere along the way we fell in love. Or so I thought.

Everything changed when he went on tour for the very first time. We were both so excited. I knew this was his dream. He lived for this, and I loved that about him. I was so naive back then. Now, I'm 18 and still very much in love with Joe. The only problem is that I'm lonely.

I've known for a long time now that something shifted in our relationship along the way. I had just never been able to put it into words. But, I didn't need to because somebody else did.

I was driving in my car down the roads of New Jersey, when a song came on the radio. I had never heard of it before but the first words caught my attention.

_You used to talk to me like  
I was the only one around  
You used to lean on me  
The only other choice was falling down  
You used to walk with me like  
We had no where we needed to go  
Nice and slow  
To no place in particular_

I pulled my sun glasses up off of my eyes and looked at the radio like it was talking to me. I immediately thought of Joe. My driving slowed a little. A car behind me honked and I was pulled out of thoughts. Giving a small wave and mouthing the words sorry I kept driving and pulled into a random parking lot so I could listen to the song. The words continued.

_We used to have this figured out  
We used to breathe without a doubt  
The nights were clear for the first time that I'd see  
We used to have this under control  
We never thought we used to know  
At least there's you  
And at least there's me  
Can we get this back?  
Can we get this back?  
To how it used to be_

My mind wandered back to the day the year they were gone on their first tour. He called me before and after every show.

"**Hey Joey!" I said into my telephone.**

"**Hey Gorgeous," He replied, which caused me to giggle, "I've been thinking of you."**

"**Awe, me too baby. I miss you!" I fawned.**

"**I know. I wish you were here. But I need you to pray with me. You know I cant go and do a show without it." Joe said.**

"**Yeah, are you ready?"**

"**Yeah," he replied.**

"**Dear Lord," I started, "I need you to bring some of your light down from heaven and shine it on Joe and his brothers as they go out on that stage once again and give that light to everyone in the audience. Let them touch someone's heart tonight like they have touched mine. Give them strength, and joy. Give them the power to rock it tonight. In your name, Amen." I prayed. I always said the same prayer. But he needed it. Just hearing me say it, he said, gave him the energy to keep doing it. **

"**Alright babe. I have to go rock this. Love you!" He excitedly responded.**

"**You go do it then! Love you too!" With that he hung up. **

As I came back from that memory, I noticed I was crying. I turned my attention back to the song to hear it continue.

_I used to reach for you  
When I got lost along the way  
I used to listen  
You always had the just right thing to say  
I used to follow you  
Never really cared where we would go  
Fast or slow  
To anywhere at all_

Again I thought off all the times he had helped me with my problems. He was there when I lost my grandfather, and when my dad left me and my mom. My life had always been far from perfect but he had always been there. Then I remembered the first time he wasn't there.

**It was December. I had just turned 15. I had also just been told my mom had cancer. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't fair. Why did I have to loose everything? I pulled out my cell phone and called Joe's number. The first time he didn't answer, so I called again. This time he picked up. I could hear loud music in the background. It sounded like he was a club. **

"**Joe," I said while sobbing.**

"**Mack? Is that you?" He yelled into the phone. **

"**Yeah it's me." I responded, "Can you talk right now I really need you."**

"**Babe- I can't, I can't really hear you right now. But I'll call you later tonight. Ok babe?" He replied.**

"**Uh… yeah, I mean I guess it's just-" I was cut off by him saying,**

"**Alright babe! You rock, love you!" And hanging up. **

**I sat there in shock. But I quickly blamed it on the fact that he could hear me. I waited all night for him to call. He never did. **

I had never thought about how many times he hadn't been there for me in the last three years. Now I'm 18, how could I have not noticed this. I just kept listening to the song.

_We used to have this figured out  
We used to breathe without a doubt  
The nights were clear for the first time that I'd see  
We used to have this under control  
We never thought we used to know  
At least there's you  
And at least there's me  
Can we get this back?  
Can we get this back?  
To how it used to be_

When had I missed all of this. How had I not seen that he was getting further and further away from me. He used to call me three times a day. Now I'm lucky if I get three times a week. He's always busy when I try to call him, but I understand that. But he never calls back when he isn't. When did this all go wrong? I still love him, but do I still know him? The only thing on my mind was how can I get him back?

_I look around me  
And I want you to be there  
Cause I miss the things that we shared  
Look around you  
It's empty and you're sad  
Don't you miss the love that we had?_

These lyrics really hit me hard. Does he miss me at all? Or is he so wrapped up in his fame that he doesn't need me anymore. Because I still need him, I still want him in my life. I want him to come with me to baseball games on Sat. afternoons, I want him to go with me to my senior prom, I want him to just lounge around and watch a movie with me, I want him to just be with me and talk. I miss that, I miss him. I really miss him.

By the time I had come out of my thoughts the song was almost over. I only caught the last line, _To how it used to be_.

With tears streaming down my face I sat there shocked. This was exactly what I wanted. I wanted it to be like how it used to be. Just me and him, both in love, but not letting things get in the way. I take out my cell phone and press the number five. I remember the day he set that.

"**Joe!" I said, "Give me my phone back!" I was laughing so hard.  
**

"**Fine! Here," He said and gave it back. **

"**What did you do to it…" I gave him a menacing look. **

"**Nothing," he said giving me an innocent look. "I just set myself as number 5 on your phone."**

**I was confused. Why would he want to be number 5? So I asked him that.**

"**Cuz," He said, "When I'm gone and you're here I want you to remember me. And that bump in the middle of your phone. Whenever you run your hand over it. I want you to think of me, and how much I wish I was here with you"**

**By now things had become serious, and he had taken my hands in his hands. Gently rubbing them with his. My eyes shown with tears as I wrapped my arms around his neck in a tight hug. **

"**You will always be on my mind Joe. Always." I whispered in his ear. His grasp on me only became tighter as he kissed my head. **

**We stood that way for a very long time. Both just loving holding the other one. The next day he left for another tour. **

Thinking of that day, I didn't realize I had began to absent mindedly rub my thumb over the bump on the number 5. I finally pushed the button and held the phone up to me ear listening to it ring.

After 4 rings, he picked up.

"Hello?" He answered with laughter in his voice.

"Joe?" I said meakly.

"Hey! Mack? Is that you?" He said still in a really joyous voice.

"Yeah," I replied quietly.

"Wait- are you ok mack??" He said slightly concerned. Well at least he still cares a little I thought.

"No joe. I'm not." I replied, my voice getting stronger.

"O babe. That sucks! Look I have to go right now. Can I call you later?" He asked.

I was getting fed up. "No Joe. I need to talk to you right now. I'm sick of waiting."

"Mack." He said, "You know I'm busy. Why can't we just talk later tonight."

"Because, you never call back later. There is always something else you have to do. I'm done with waiting for you to call me back. I know your busy. I was always ok with you not being here and not talking to you all the time but this is getting ridiculous." I said.

"Mack, what do you want me to do?" He said angrily.

" I want you to make time for me. If you still love me, and you still want to be with me then I need to know it. Because I don't know anymore," I said starting to cry.

"Mack?" He asked softly, "Are you crying?"

"yes." I replied.

"Why baby?" He asked still with a soft voice.

"Because I don't know if you love me anymore." I whispered to the phone. He didn't say anything so I just kept talking, "You don't call me, you are never there for me, and I still very much love you. But you need to make a choice because I'm sick of living this way. I want things to be how they used to be. I want you to love me like you used to."

He still hadn't said anything. I started to cry harder. Taking that as an answer, I said, "You need to decide, if you want there to still be an us. This is the last time I'll be waiting. If you want to be with me, come to Jersey next week and take me to my senior prom. If you don't show up, we are over. It's up to you."

With that I hung up. Half of me expected for him to call back right away, the other half knew he wouldn't.

I waited. I waited one week, I got all dressed up and my hair and nails done, and I sat on my porch and waited. I must of looked like an idiot sitting there in my purple dress. But you know what, he didn't show. I waited for seven hours. I missed my senior prom for him, and that was the final straw. I officially broke down. I cried so hard that I couldn't breathe. Because I knew. No matter how much I tried, he would never try to love me like he used to. This was who he was now, and this was his choice.

The next morning I got a call, I answered it and the first thing that he said was, "I'm sorry I couldn't make it baby. Something came up and I couldn't get there. But I wanted to be there I really did."

"This was your choice Joe. I waited for seven hours. I missed my senior prom Joe! I'm going to miss you." I said.

"Wait! What do you mean you're going to miss me?" I asked confused.

"I told you Joe, it was then or never. Me and you no longer have a relationship. You made that choice." I answered, which caused me to start crying again.

"No, Mackenzie. You can't mean that! I love you, I just couldn't make it!" Joe pleaded.

"Joe, you don't get it. I'm done. You are never going to put me first. And as much as I love you, I can't live like this anymore. I told you, you either show up or I can't make you try anymore. I can't make you want to try Joe. I'll miss you, but you need to go rock it, that's what you do best. Go make the audience shine." I finished while still crying. I hung up the phone without letting him answer.

For the first time in years, he called back right away. Not once, not twice, he just kept calling. But by that point it was too late. He would never truly change. So I walked away from him. We can never be how we used to be. I will never forget him, I will always love him, but we can't get it back.

A/N: Just another one shot. I dont think it will become a story, but you never know!! Anyways, review because the more who review the more i will consider making it a story!


	2. Chapter 2

**I know it is short. But I still can't decide if I want to make it a story. So let me know if you want me to make a story out of it or not!**

It was three weeks later and nothing had changed. I still loved Joe, and I still miss him like crazy. I just didn't know what to do with myself. At first I locked myself up in my room and didn't come out, but eventually my friends pulled me out. Saying it wasn't healthy for being in a room for so long with no outside contact. Thank god its summer or I would have gone crazy. So, today, on the orders of my best friend, I am spending my day lying on the beach. I brought my little radio with me so that I could listen to my favorite radio station.

I set my towel down and set up my little radio. I lie down, put my sunglasses on and prepare to relax and get tan. I was not ready for what was about to happen. I was innocently listening to my radio when they came back from a break.

"And we're back!" The man inside my radio said, "And we are here with Joe from the Jonas Brothers!"

My heart dropped as I turned my head to look at the radio, very much considering the idea to change the station. But for some reason I didn't do it. I just listened.

"Yea, thanks for having me." Joe replied.

I hadn't heard Joe's voice in three weeks; I had done a very good job of avoiding it. But now it sounded different. It sounded very sad, and hollow.

"So I hear that you have something to say, and that you're going to be playing a song for us." The guy said again.

"Yea. So about a month ago, I lost someone very special to me. And I know that this is her favorite radio station, so I'm hoping that she's listening to this and will understand what I'm trying to say. Because I'm not very good at explaining it…. To anyone. The song I'm going to play is called home, and this goes out to Mack." Joe replied.

I was in shock. I was certainly not expecting it as he began to sing.

"Another summer day  
Is come and gone away  
In Paris and Rome  
But I wanna go home  
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by  
A million people I  
Still feel all alone  
I just wanna go home  
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you  
Each one a line or two  
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"  
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough  
My words were cold and flat  
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane  
Another sunny place  
I'm lucky I know  
But I wanna go home  
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home  
I'm just too far from where you are  
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life  
It's like I just stepped outside  
When everything was going right  
And I know just why you could not  
Come along with me  
But this was not your dream  
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come  
And gone away  
And even Paris and Rome  
And I wanna go home  
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by  
A million people I  
Still feel alone  
Oh, let go home  
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home  
I've had my run  
Baby, I'm done  
I gotta go home  
Let me go home  
It will all right  
I'll be home tonight  
I'm coming back home"

"Wow, Joe. That was quite a song!" The radio person said.

"Yea, it means a great deal to me. And I'm also here to announce that I will be taking a break from the tour with my brothers. We all decided that it was time for a break. I have some things to straighten out in my life. So I'm going home." Joe replied.

My mouth dropped, he was coming back to Chicago, for me. What am I going to do?


End file.
